2/3/2009 ... The Beginning of the End?

I can't believe it's already February, 2009. Seriously, where did January go? And why am I still signing dates with an "08"?

It's kind of funny remembering that ten years ago, we were all pretty sure we wouldn't make it to 1/1/00, and now we're a full 9 years past, and much closer to the next apocalypse, 12/21/2012. Personally, I think the date looks more binary than ominous, but I'm sure there are signs the apocalypse is near. For example ...

Signs of the Coming Apocalypse:

Who needs the Four Horsemen when we have kids roasting puppies?

1. Jerry Lewis To Receive a Humanitarian Award

Jerry Lewis is the ass who will be receiving this year's Humanitarian Award from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (aka: The Oscars). He's being recognized for the millions his telethon, Jerry's Kids, has raised for Muscular Dystrophy, but there are thousands of people with disabilities who consider Lewis to be far from "humanitarian".

Many disabled people are sick of being pitied, sick of being considered "half a person" (Lewis's words), and really, really sick of being viewed as "kids" who are incapable of doing anything but sitting on the sidelines with their hands out, begging for charity. Disabled people in America make up a marginalized minority who want rights and respect, not handouts.

There are protests scheduled for the days surrounding the Oscars - Feb 20th-22nd, and you can find out more information on why the disabled community is so vehemently opposed to the recipient of the 2009 award by visiting http://thetroublewithjerry.com/. It'll be interesting to see if the protesters receive any media coverage at all, as most media outlets are far more concerned with what celebrities are wearing rather than just how un-humanitarian the Academy's Humanitarian seems to be.

2. In a Failing Economy, the Big Shots Still Get Paid

President Obama has recently limited the amount of compensation/perks that executives at failing banks can accept until their bank has repaid the government loan ... but of course the disgusting part of it all is that he had to take action in the first place.

For bank execs, $500,000 a year is a big comedown

As a taxpayer struggling to get by on $25k in NYC in '08, these numbers seriously make me ill. On a (comparatively) modest salary of $1 million, exactly WHAT the hell are these guys doing that is worth $350+ an hour, compared with my pathetic $13/hour, when I am working my ass off as much as the next middle class person just trying to survive?

3. The Bad Girls Club

I keep catching this reality series in late night mini-marathons on the Oxygen channel, and it's becoming a bit of a guilty pleasure. Unlike guilty pleasure #1, America's Next Top Model, in which "beautiful" women compete for a modeling contract while proving that there's more to successful modeling than just a pretty face, there are no such lofty pursuits for the girls of the Bad Girls Club. The series is nothing more than an outlet for catty girls, more processed than attractive, to drink excessively, party hard, mack on guys, dress like skanks, and otherwise act like total bitches.

And I keep wanting more.

4. Steve Jobs' Failing Health

I'll admit that for several years I was an adament boycotter all things Apple (more on that later), destesting everything from iTunes' download limits to the insufferable Justin Long in the Mac Vs PC commercials (go PC!). I was pretty sure that Steve Jobs was the devil, using trendy technology to steal the souls of our nation's youth ... and then I got an iPhone and fell in love all over again. It's entirely possible that for the last four months my soul has been slowly seeping out through my iPhone earbuds, but with all the free Apps I've downloaded, it feels like a fair tradeoff.

Now that Jobs is taking a medical leave of absence from work and the Apple stock is down, things are not looking so peachy keen. Devil he may be, but I don't want Jobs to die anymore. He needs to hold on until the end - the end of Apple or the end of the world, whichever comes first. My chips are on the end of the world.

5. Kids Roasting Puppies

The post-apocalyptic world is bound to have rag-tag bands of survivors, mutated by radiation, and nomadically scavenging the earth to form new, primitive societies in the aftermath. Apparently, some young people thought to get practice in a few years early, as a UK kiddie gang was caught roasting puppies over a bonfire. Clearly, food will be scarce, and the post-apocalyptic future will call for the ritual sacrifice of adorable little furballs. Without pigs around, the kids needed to find a substitute head to impale on a stick.

6. Post #50

Though perhaps the most indisputable sign of the apocalypse is that I have written 50 blog posts in just over 14 months, with no sign of slowing down. In my free time, I've even begun working on my YA novel that has been languishing since NaNoWriMo 2007.

The end is near.